Love's to Blame
by Summer Review
Summary: He was a boy who had forgotten how to love until she came along and taught him how. ExB Entry for the Summer Review Contest
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I'm not Stephanie Meyer. Therefore, I don't own any of these characters.

The memory of her haunted me.

I saw her wherever I went, and if I couldn't see her, I would take her picture out of my wallet and force her on myself. Call me crazy, but I was a firm believer in self-punishment.

In fact, I was a glutton for misery. There was only one way that I knew how to really hurt myself, and it was emotionally. After my childhood, I didn't care about the physical pain anymore. It was nothing; I was numb to it.

Heartache was a different story.

The first time I felt that kind of pain, I was just a young boy, dreaming of his mother. Every time I recollected the way her long auburn hair swished from side to side as she walked away I felt a pang in my chest and I was reminded of how unlovable I was. My six-year-old self was too young to understand her reasons, so he blamed himself. As punishment he would stare at her picture for hours and whisper how she was better off without him. I began to do this more frequently after the abuse began. That was the only way I could have control.

They couldn't hurt me emotionally; only I could give myself that kind of pain.

By the time I was placed into a loving home, it was too late.I had already hidden my heart from the world. Esme and Carlisle loved me as though I were their own son,even though I refused to love them back.

I didn't love anyone again until her.

She was the only person, besides my mother, who could make me feel vulnerable. I was afraid that she could hurt me, so although I loved her, I pushed her away. I did it to protect not only myself but her as well, and in the end, the precautions that I took to avoid getting my heart broken,ended up being the reason why my heart did break.

The ferry's horn blew, bringing me back to reality. Here I stood, leaning on the rail, punishing myself once again. In my hands, I held her picture which I used to inflict self-torture. I needed to feel the constant guilt so I could never forget how I wasn't meant to be loved.

So,I wouldn't make the same mistake again and hurt anyone else I loved.

She stared up at me with wide, chocolate brown eyes, full of hope and contentment. The last time I saw her, hope had left her life completely and she was anything but happy. As I lied and told her that I didn't love her, fear shone in her eyes along with the tears that she refused to let fall, at least not while I stood in front of her.

Whenever I smelled strawberries, I would close my eyes and picture her dark brown hair; it was what attracted me to her: she would have blended in with everyone else in that crowded bar had I not seen her flipping her hair out the corner of my eye. I turned to her just as she opened her mouth to laugh, and I instantly was hooked.

Her smile was her best and worst feature. So pure and radiant, her whole face lit up when she smiled. It was contagious and just looking at it made the corners of my mouth turn upward. Then I remember how it was my fault that she no longer smiled like that. After I broke her, her smile was never the same again, or so I was told. I overheard her friends whispering about how her smile was no longer carefree and natural, how it just seemed forced now.

That was when I realized the full extent of the damage I did to her,and began to carry her picture on me at all times. Even though I wanted to hurt myself, I couldn't keep doing that. I've become so sick of hurting people, myself included, that the thought alone makes me feel physically ill.

Once I realized the truth, I decided that it was time I stopped carrying that guilt. A few days ago, I discovered that although I still wanted her, I was not worthy of her. I broke her and now some other guy will come along and fix her. He will be the one to deserve her and she will truly be happy. And even though it kills me to know that she will love someone else, I can't do anything about it because 'we' as a couple just wasn't what fate intended.

Slowly, I began to tear up the picture in my hands; turning it from a perfect picture of a perfect girl into complicated puzzle that was just as broken as she was.

I had to let her go even though that was the last thing I wanted to do. I opened my hands and let the wind carry the pieces of the picture away.

As I watched the last traces of her leave my life, I thought of how she entered it.


	2. Chapter 2

I ran a hand through my hair, getting it nice and messy in the sex-hair style that drove the ladies crazy. I winked at myself in the rear view mirror and was about to reach for the door handle when Emmett shoved me from where he sat in the passenger seat.

"Get out of the damn car already," he ordered.

I rolled my eyes at my best friend. The boy just didn't understand that perfection took time. And I didn't expect him to, as he didn't need to go to extra measures to stand out. When you're well over six feet tall with a muscular build, there was no way you could ever get lost in a crowd. And if his build wasn't enough, Emmett had dark curly locks that some girls loved to run their fingers through and his dimples made all the ladies swoon.

The only thing that set me apart from other guys was my hair. Supposedly, there was something great about it and although I didn't see its appeal, I made sure that everyone else could.

"I'm getting out," I told Emmett and opened the car door. As I stepped out of the driver's seat, I brushed imaginary dust from my clothes and fixed my collar.

From the sidewalk, my other friend, Jasper, rolled his eyes and sighed. I just shrugged. Not everyone could just go out in jeans and a concert tee. I had to dress like I had some class so I wore the same jeans, only I paired them with a dress shirt and a blazer. I'm one cocky motherfucker so I had no trouble admitting that I looked good.

"Damn, you take fucking forever," Jasper complained as he put his fedora over his long blonde hair.

"Get a haircut," I retorted.

Jasper chuckled at my random insult and slung an arm around my shoulder as we began to walk toward the bar.

"You ready to meet some educated chicks?" he asked.

"What do you think?" I asked as I pushed him away.

"I think that's a 'yes.'"

Educated chicks, smart girls, whatever you wanted to call them, we went after them. But we didn't want just any girl going to college; we were selective and only wanted those who went to an Ivy League. Why was that exactly? Because those girls were high class, top notch chicks. They wanted nothing from us but the experience and we willingly provided them with it.

In fifteen years, the girls that we date will marry a blue blood and spend their summers sitting around on some country club's lawn with their rich friends. They will watch their little trust fund babies play and gossip about how they once went slumming too.

In New York, there were only two Ivy League schools - Cornell and Columbia. We randomly selected bars and clubs next to those schools in the hopes that we would meet these girls. The school of choice tonight was Columbia and the bar was one we hadn't had the pleasure of visiting before.

I ran a hand through my hair one last time as we entered the bar and split up. Emmett went to the bar as Jasper and I headed for an empty table in a far-off corner. We always grabbed a few beers and sat in the back at first. This way we weren't so obvious when we scoped out girls. Once we found a suitable companion, we would head over to the bar. There, we'd get the lucky girl's attention and make our way over to her.

Emmett joined us and handed me a beer. I took it without thanking him and began my search throughout the room. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a flicker of dark brown, turned to the sight and saw a young brunette at a table, tucking a few strands of hair behind her ear. Instantly, I knew that she was the girl of the night.

Next to me, Emmett patted my shoulder. "Nice," he praised. "There are three of them and three of us."

I had no idea what he was talking about until I noticed that the brunette wasn't sitting alone. With her were a leggy blonde and a short, dark-haired girl.

"Dibs on the blonde," Emmett said quickly.

Jasper shrugged. "I'll take the brunette that Eddie isn't drooling after."

"I'm not drooling," I told him as I finally turned away from the girl.

"Sure you aren't," Emmett taunted and took a swig of his beer. "So are we going over there to talk to them or not?"

I stared at the girl as she laughed at something one of her friends said. She was different from all the other girls I persued; she looked so happy and pure, like the world wasn't just at her fingertips but in the palm of her hand and if she balled her hand into a fist, it would crumble.

The sight of her smile got to me; it was a real smile, the natural smile that everyone had before they began to worry about how they looked in a picture or who was watching them. It was the smile children smile for themselves and not for anyone else. It surprised me that a grown woman could still smile like that.

And at that moment, I knew that she had the potential to break my heart. I couldn't explain it, I just knew. "No," I shook my head. "You can talk to them if you want to but I'm staying here."

Emmett shrugged and downed his beer. "Fine," he said as he slammed his bottle down on the table. "Let's go," he told Jasper as he got up.

Jasper stayed behind as Emmett went up to the blonde and said something to her to make her laugh.

"You okay?" Jasper asked.

"Yeah," I nodded. "I just need to think."

"Alright, then." Jasper took one last sip of his beer before following behind Emmett.

For the next ten minutes, I shredded a napkin as I tried to figure out what was holding me back. Never have I been such a pussy. With every other girl, I could just go up to them and put on the charm. There was never a pause with anyone else. I could flirt with them without any hesitation but there was something about this girl. Something about her that made me stop and wonder who she was and what she liked. When I saw her, time slowed down and I took in every detail. But make no mistake, this wasn't love at first sight. I was fascinated by her, and there was nothing more to it than that.

"She's not worth it," I told myself. "She's not worth reverting back to that six-year-old kid."

I looked over at her table just as Emmett pointed in my direction and said something to her to make her turn to me. She smiled at me and waved me over.

I had two choices: I could stay here and look like some shy little kid or I could go over there. Just because I sat by her didn't mean I had to talk to her, did it?

I took a deep breath as I decided that it was time for me to man up. With a swagger, I walked over to her. Although Emmett's smirk didn't go unnoticed, I chose to ignore him and it.

"Edward, this is Bella," Emmett told me once I got to the table. "For the last ten minutes, she has been patiently waiting to meet you and she just couldn't wait any longer."

I turned to the girl to see how she would react and instead of getting shy like I expected, she glared at my big friend.

"What?' he asked innocently as he shrugged and gave her a wide smile, the one that made it impossible for anyone to be made at him.

Immediately, Bella's face softened and she smiled back at him before turning to me.

"Hi," she said, her eyes twinkling with delight, or maybe that was just the reflection from the bar lights.

I nodded a greeting as I sat down. Everyone then went into private conversations, leaving me and Bella on our own.

"So do you go to school around here?" Bella asked.

I shook my head. "No."

There was a second of pause and I knew Bella was waiting for me to say something. I took this as a chance to raise my hand and signal for the waitress to bring me another beer.

"Want anything?" I asked. I'm sure that these weren't the words that she wanted to hear but at least I was talking.

She shook her head. "No, thanks."

I shrugged. "Whatever," I muttered and then looked around the bar as I waited for my drink, purposely avoiding Bella.

After a few minutes, the waitress finally appeared and handed me my beer with a flirtatious wink.

"Thank you," I told her politely, ignoring her advances.

As the chick in the too-tight clothing walked away, Bella sighed and I turned to her just in time to catch her rolling her eyes.

I raised an eyebrow questioning her.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing," I answered then looked down at my beer. Only a few seconds after I turned away, Bella spoke again.

"Why didn't you get her number?"

I looked back up. "Because I didn't want her number," I said simply.

She nodded. "Okay."

I expected her to say something else on the subject, and nonchalantly ask me if I wanted her number.

But she didn't continue. "So do your boys usually leave you hanging when you guys go out?"

I shrugged. "Sometimes."

"Oh, ok."

"Yeah," I replied lamely and took a swig of Heiniken. I had to give it to her. She was good at pretending that she wasn't interested in me. I ran a hand through my hair. Even though I was being a rude asshole to her, I knew she couldn't resist me.

"So are you from around here?'

I shook my head. "No."

"Do you go to school around here?"

"Nope." I still wouldn't look at her. I looked down at my beer bottle as though it was really interesting.

After some time had gone by, I heard Bella sigh and say something about how she was going over to the bar to talk to some people she knew. She then got up and walked away.

I spent the next thirty minutes listening to my friends pick up the other girls. Occasionally, I would look over at Bella, desperately wanting to go over and talk to her, but I was distracted by the ramblings of my mind as I reminded myself that getting my heart broken would be catastrophic, especially since I worked so hard to build up the walls that surrounded it.

The final time I looked up, I noticed Bella's friends gathering their things and saying goodbye to Emmett and Jasper. They then went over to Bella at the bar and she looked over at me. I gave her a small, tight-lipped smile before looking back down. Less than a minute later, I noticed a napkin being pushed in my direction.

"You're an idiot," I heard Bella say.

I looked up to see if she was talking to me, and I met big brown eyes.

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"You're an idiot," she repeated.

I heard my friends snickering and I turned to them with a glare.

"We're just gonna go over there," Emmett said as he pointed in some random direction.

Once my friends were gone, I turned back to the beautiful girl who had just insulted me. "So I'm an idiot?" I questioned with a raised eyebrow.

She nodded. "May I ask why?"

"Since the moment you walked in the door, I've been waiting for you to come and strike up a conversation with me. I had given up hope when you didn't come over to me and my girls with your friends, but then the big one-"

"Emmett," I interrupted.

"Okay then, Emmett told me that you thought I was cute but I didn't believe him but then you came over here. So then I did believe him but only for a few short seconds because you wouldn't speak more than a few words to me. So I left thinking that you weren't interested yet you kept looking over at me. And so you're an idiot."

I ran a hand through my hair and gave her a small smile. "I'm still confused as to why I'm an idiot." I pointed to the barstool next to her. "Why don't you sit down and discuss this more in depth with me."

Bella sighed before returning my smile and sitting down. "You want to know why I think you're an idiot?" she asked.

I nodded. "Yes, nothing would please me more than to know why you, well really anyone, would think that I was idiotic."

Bella smiled and I knew that she was going to say something that I was totally unprepared for.

"Well, quite frankly, I think that you're an idiot because obviously you're in to me but you won't make a move."

"I'm in to you?" I questioned.

She nodded. "Obviously."

"Is it really obvious," I asked, "or are you just a little too sure of yourself?"

Bella put an elbow on the table and rested her chin in her hand as she pretended to think for a few moments. "A little of both," she decided.

I looked down at the numbers she'd written on the napkin that was pushed toward me less than two minutes ago. "Is this your number?" I asked as I picked it up.

She nodded. "Yes, I believe those ten numbers are a direct link to my cell."

"Well, then would I still be an idiot if I were to call you sometime?"

"I think my opinion of you just might change."

I took out my phone and was about to enter her number into it when she stopped me by putting her hand over mine.

"Don't even think about calling me if you're not going to ask for a date," she told me before getting up and walking away.

As I watched her go, I wondered if I would call or not.


	3. Chapter 3

Four days after I met Bella, I stared at my cell phone screen with my hand hovering over the call button. I wanted to call her but I just couldn't. Right now my mind was full of 'what ifs:' what if she had an annoying laugh or she wasn't as pretty as she looked in the dim lighting? What if she wasn't just the perfect girl, but also the one who would leave me even colder and more bitter than I was before? I closed my phone and put it in my pocket after a few minutes of contemplating. I knew I wasn't going to call her, ever. I didn't even know why I took the number.

Emmett entered the living room from the kitchen with a beer in hand. "You haven't called her yet." This was a statement, not a question.

I shook my head pathetically. "I don't think I'm ever going to."

"Why not?" Jasper asked as he walked into the room.

This was just like them to gang up on me when I least expected it.

"Because she's perfect right now and I don't want to ruin it."

"What if you're perfect and you don't want to ruin _that_?"

Oddly enough, Emmett's stupidity made sense but I would never let him know that. "No." I shook my head. "That's not it." I then began to tell them about my what ifs and how I thought fantasizing about my ideal Bella who was this beautiful, intellectual being that was way above my league was better than actually knowing the girl beyond my imagination.

"I think that Bella was right," Jasper said. "You are an idiot."

Before I could ask him what the fuck he was talking about, he continued.

"That's a great philosophy," he stated sarcastically. "That way you can go through your entire life without ever having to really know anybody."

"Like you're any better," I told him. "You're just like me. We date girls who don't and will never mean anything to us. They're just a warm body that keeps us company. There is no commitment or any true feelings, just pure lust covered up by the illusion of romance. With Bella, it will be different and I'm not ready for different. And neither are you. I bet you can't even remember anyone past your last two girls."

Jasper shrugged. "That may be true but at least I'm not scared like you."

"Where the fuck did that come from?" Emmett asked.

"He's too scared to give the girl a chance because he knows that she has the potential to break his heart," Jasper explained to Emmett before looking me dead in the eye. "I know how you feel," he said. "When I first saw Alice, I just knew she was the perfect match for me. I may end up loving her, I may not, but we were meant to find each other. And I could have been a little pussy like you and turned away from her to protect myself but I didn't and now I'm going to get laid tonight."

"It's like that?" Emmett asked him.

Jasper nodded, "it's like that."

Emmett turned and pointed a finger at the pocket where my phone was hidden. "Call the girl," he ordered. "You may be making a big mistake" he warned. "she just may be the girl who will love you forever, the one you'll marry, the one who will bear you children, the one you'll grow old with, the one you'll be buried-"

"Alright!" I yelled, cutting him off once I was sufficiently annoyed. "If I call her, will you shut up?"

"Yes I will," Emmett said with a smile, letting me know that I had succeeded in giving him what he wanted.

I glared at him as I took out my phone. I dialed Bella's number and was about to push the send button when I noticed my friends staring eagerly at me. "Do you mind?" I snapped as I got up and headed for my room.

The moment my door slammed shut, I pushed the button. As I waited for her to answer, I walked over to my desk and took a seat.

She picked up on the third ring and for a second I was seriously considering hanging up in her face, but I stayed on the line.

"Hello," her soft voice greeted.

"Hey, Bella, it's me, Edward," I said. As I waited for her to reply, I looked at myself in the small mirror that I always kept on my desk

"Who?" she asked in a teasing tone.

"Edward," I repeated. "The really hot, good looking, bronze-haired Adonis you met in the bar last week," I told her as I checked out my reflection and ran a hand though my hair, 'fixing' it. In my own unique form of a pep talk I winked at myself, letting Edward know that he was perfect and if he wanted, he could do anything, even ask this girl out.

"I'm sorry, I don't recall anyone fitting that description. I'm sure I would have remembered," she joked.

I chuckled lightly as I felt myself becoming less tense as I finally relaxed. "Oh okay, you got me, I'm the obnoxious hideous loser who was beyond drunk and wouldn't leave you alone."

"Oh, Edward," she drawled out slowly as though she just realized who I was. "Now I remember you. How are you?"

"I'm good," I told her. "But I didn't call to discuss how I was doing."

"Then what did you call to discuss?" she asked.

"I was wondering if you would like to go out with me sometime," And there I did it; I put the cards on the table then patiently waited for an answer.

"I would love to go out with you," she said "Did you have anywhere in mind?"

"You're not from New York, are you?"

"No"

"So how about I let you decide where you go. Is there any place that you've always wanted to go but haven't been yet?"

"what about Coney Island?"

"if that's where you want to go then that's where we'll go"

"that sounds nice" "

"Okay. Are you free this weekend?"

Bella sighed. "Well I have to study but I guess I can take Saturday off and just do everything Sunday."

"You sure?" I asked.

There was a moment's pause and, call me intuitive, but I knew that Bella was wondering if I was really worth it. "Yeah, I'm sure," she said finally.

"Okay then, I'll pick you up Saturday."

She gave me her address and then the conversation was pretty much over. I told her goodbye and hung up the phone just as I realized that she was the first girl I ever allowed to sacrifice something for me, even if it was something as trivial as homework. Usually I would tell them to just forget about it and reschedule our date. It wasn't because I didn't want them to give anything up but because I wasn't so eager to see them that I was willing for them to drop everything and see me. I didn't know why I let Bella give up her studying. Maybe the best explanation is because I was putting her at a distance. By letting her give up something important, I was telling her that I really didn't care. I didn't really know that reason. And at that moment, I really didn't have the time to even care to think about it.


	4. Chapter 4

A few days later, I rode the train to Coney Island with Bella by my side. The girl was full of surprises and one of them is that she didn't cringe in disgust when I led her down the subway stairs, the way my usual conquests did. This was the first time, in a while, that I hadn't had to explain to a girl that there was no need for me to drive my car every day when I lived in New York.

"So is Coney Island just like they make it seem in the movies?" Bella asked me.

I stopped staring down at where our hands lay next to each other, almost touching and looked up her. "How do they make it seem in the movies?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. Like it's this wonderful place full of exciting people."

"Well then yes, it is just like the way it is in the movies."

"How many times have you been there?" she asked.

"More times than I can count. When I was a kid it was my favorite place to go." I didn't say anything more than that. Because if I had continued, she would know more than just the façade, and that was just something I couldn't handle right now. Deep down inside, I knew that if I let her get a taste of the real me, I would be revealing a piece of my soul to her and of course that wasn't something I wanted to reveal. So in the end, I just stopped talking and made it seem as though my childhood self didn't go to Coney island to get away from the world, but instead I went there because it just a nice place to go. "Is it that great of a place?"

I nodded. "It's like a child's dream."

I expected her to ask more questions but I guess she just took my word for it because she was quiet after that.

We remained silent until the train stopped. I stood up and held put my hand to Bella "We're here," I told her with a grin.

As she took my hand and I helped her up, her face was full of excitement, so much so that her happiness was almost infectious.

I quickly dropped her hand so that I wasn't holding it longer than necessary and in her happy state she barely noticed. "Ready?" I asked.

She nodded. "Ready."

Because Bella had never been to Coney Island, our first stop was a hot dog stand where I forced her to stand back as I made the best thing that she would ever eat: a hot dog loaded with everything - mustard, ketchup, relish and onions. If it was in a concession stand and it wasn't anything too disgusting, like salad dressing, I put it on. I even snuck in some sauerkraut because she mentioned that she never had it. Finally, when it was perfect, I handed her my creation and a large soda. Bella took both eagerly and together we walked over to a picnic table where we could enjoy our meal sitting down.

"Are you sure this is safe to eat?" Bella asked as she picked up her food.

I nodded and took a huge bite just to show her how safe it was.

"Okay then," she took a tentative bite then quickly picked up her soda and took a few gulps.

"It's not that bad," I told her.

She shook her head. "No it isn't, just spicy."

I gave her a sheepish smile as I realized that I may have used too much hot sauce.

"Sorry about that. But how is it otherwise?" I asked.

Bella took another bite and slowly chewed, full tasting it.

"It's actually quite good."

I grinned widely as I watched her take another bite. Her soft pink lips were so erotic as she wrapped her mouth around the messy piece of meat. I copied her and went to take a bite as she looked over at me. We stared into each other eyes before she began to giggle softly.

"I know what you're thinking," she told me.

"What am I thinking? I asked.

"You were wondering if you were going to get a good night kiss."

What I was thinking was something more along the lines of a good night blowjob but that was not something you bring up on the first date, so I said something less perverted. "Actually I was hoping for a good night lay."

Bella choked on her mouthful of food as she laughed at my choice of words. I softly patted her on the back before continuing. "But I'll settle for a good night kiss."

She nodded once her airways were unblocked. "Okay then." She went to take another bite and I licked my lips as I watched her. She put a hand over her mouth to hide her partially chewed food. "Want to just kiss now and get it over with?" she asked.

I took a bite out of my hot dog and pretended to think for a moment. "Sure, why not?" I asked around my full mouth.

"Okay," she leaned in and I raised an eyebrow.

"You want to do it now?"

She nodded. "Sure, why not?" she asked, mocking me with a dorky smile on her face.

I shrugged and went in for what was sure to be the grossest kiss of my life. There was no tongue and it wasn't open-mouthed but just the fact that we both had our mouths full made it disgusting. But I didn't care because I was living in the moment and refusing to take the time to make any second thoughts.

Her lips were just a soft as I imagined and I tried to make the kiss last as long as possible but you can only give someone a gentle peck like that for so long. So, after a few moments, I reluctantly pulled away, swallowed whatever was in my mouth and took a few sips of my soda.

"So how was that?" Bella asked.

I shrugged. "It was nice. A little too sweet for my liking but nice."

Without warning Bella kissed my cheek and before I could ask her what that was for, she grinned up at me. "How is that for sweet?"

I lifted my shoulder and wiped it against my cheek. "Yuck" I exclaimed making sure to stick out my tongue as I did so. I was sure that I looked like I was ten years old and had just gotten kissed by a girl with cooties and that was just the look I was going for.

Bella giggle softly as she titled her head and rested it against my arm. "oh shut up" she said smacking me playfully.

The closeness was so uncomfortable and unfamiliar that as I looked down at her, I had to remember how to breathe.


	5. Chapter 5

I didn't call her. Again. Two weeks had gone by and I didn't even think of calling her. I gave her a chance and got my friends off my back, even thought it was only temporary. . And now that I was done with that there was nothing left for me to do but go on with my life.

And now here I was searching for the next bar where I would meet the next girl. My laptop was living up to its name and sitting in my lap as I used everyone's favorite search engine - google. The outside world was blocked out by the music that poured out of the earphones that covered my ears. It was as though nothing else but the internet existed. Time had stopped everywhere but inside my room.

That was until the door opened. The light from the hallway flooded into the dimly lit room and I slowly looked up. "Can you knock?" I asked Emmett, who was peeking his head through the door.

He said something that I couldn't hear and I realized that my headphones were still on. I quickly paused my music, took them off and looked at him, waiting for an answer.

"I knocked," he said, "but you didn't answer"

"What's so important?"

He scratched his head. "I don't know how to say this, but umm, Bella is-"

I quickly interrupted him. "I don't want to hear about Bella right now." For the past fourteen days, all I've been hearing from him and Jasper was when was I going to call Bella back. They couldn't just accept my answer of how she wasn't what I wanted.

"But she-"

Once again I cut him off. "Just get out!" I yelled.

Emmett shrugged. "Whatever, I tried to warn you."

Before I could ask him what was he warning me about, he was gone and I was in seclusion once again.

After a few minutes, I managed to find a bar for me to check out tomorrow night and there was nothing left for me to do but wait for sleep to overcome me so that this day could be over already. Against my better judgment, I decided to watch "Good Will Hunting" just so I could have something to do and by the time the 'it's not your fault' part came around, tears were threatening to fall.

I could relate to the movie in so many ways that it seemed as though my life was pathetic. Who was I kidding? My life IS pathetic. Here I am, watching this corny ass movie and close to sobbing not because it wasn't Will's fault but because she, my mother, left me and it was my fault.

My little 'bitch fest' lasted up until the scene where Will went chasing after Skylar. Now that was something I just couldn't relate to. Never have I gone chasing after a chick, they've always came after me. I don't think I will be like will in the end of the movie, I just couldn't see myself doing that because most likely I will forever be the one that gets chased.

Finally, I had bounced back from my moment of weakness and not a second too soon because right at that moment the door to my room opened once again.

"What do you want now?" I yelled, not looking up as I quickly closed out the window for the movie. If Emmett knew that I was watching this 'pussy movie', as he called it, he would have a field day.

I took off my earphones just in time to hear a soft voice ask, "Is this a bad time?"

I quickly turned to the door and, sure enough, Bella stood in my doorway dressed in jeans and a t-shirt for "The Who." Her hair hung freely, partially hiding her face and her eyes were so sad they called out to me.

"Sorry, I thought you were Emmett." I reached over to the nightstand and turned on the light. Even though I knew I was being rude, I didn't invite her in, I didn't want to give her the wrong impression.

"May I come in?" she asked after a few seconds had passed by.

I shrugged. "yeah. I guess"

She took a small step forward and just stood, barely inside of the room.

"I thought that you were going to call," she said


End file.
